Oh dear. A loud ring on the doorbell at quarter to eight this morning. The Vicar went down to greet the postman. And alongside him, on the Vicarage doorstep, was Gone. Just like he was this time last year.
If you’ve started reading since last summer, you’ll not know that Gone is homeless man, an alcoholic, who spent six weeks or so living on our doorstep last summer. His presence was rather all-consuming at the time, so we’re a little wary of his reappearance.
He’s been in prison for ten months and is out on licence. So he only lasted a couple more months on the street after we firmly told him we were only going to help him to help himself by going to Betel. We didn’t have the strength to supply any more cheese on toast. And the Queen needed her sleep (he had a propensity to sing loudly and drunkenly under her window at 5am).
Since he left, though, Betel have opened a shop in our town, so the Vicar has gone down there with him now to see if Gone can overcome his anxieties enough to get himself onto Betel’s excellent programme. Watch this space for more news… (and if you want to read the rest of Gone’s story, there’s a box on the right hand side of the blog, with all my previous posts from last summer).
One of the things I’ve loved about taking the Engineer to school this year is that in the Reception class you get to walk in with your child, help them locate their coathook and get their lunchbox in the trolley. And then you get to hang out with them and their friends for a bit. I used to wait whilst the Engineer wrote his name in marker pen on the big piece of paper on the easel, and then nose around a little to see if there was anything new on the wall…
In April I went away with some girlfriends (to listen to some edifying talks on the Trinity, natch) and happened to buy a FatFace necklace (can’t think how that occurred). I love my new necklace (and the Trinity, of course). And it is also loved by three of the Engineer’s classmates. Every time I wore it into school (quite frequently – it goes with many outfits) they would gather around me. Then they would grab onto the necklace, fascinated by the surprisingly heavy beads. Then they would hang onto me and my necklace until I managed to disentangle myself. I called them the Bling Bling Girls.
Their teacher says this is why she never wears necklaces to school.
Blingy, eh?
In other news I was very proud of myself when I successfully mended the necklace this evening after a thread snapped and one of the steel beads fell off.
More than a year ago I blogged a video of the Queen and the Joker reciting one of their favourite playground rhymes. This has attracted a few comments both on the blog and on YouTube, so I thought I’d share another favourite Wolverhampton rhyme here.
Here they are reciting Ribena, Sassatina (full lyrics below the video). I’m not sure what it is with soft drinks. And what is Sassatina, anyway? And apologies for the Queen’s stripes/flowers combo. She has her own fashion sense…
Last week’s poll highlighted the challenge of sitting with small squiggling people in church. We love to have them there (such a blessing and encouragement!), but we DO WISH they’d not distract everyone else from concentrating on the Lord (or on all the other things that are already distracting them).
So this week’s poll is on your preferred method for keeping children quiet in church (or – thanks for highlighting this aspect, Icklesis – helping them to stay focussed so that they can participate more fully). As last week, you can add other suggestions, and you can vote for more than one. I’m keeping the results secret this time, though (until I publish them). Oh the suspense!
I’m a Vicar’s wife, don’cha know, and I’m sooo respectable. And that’s how I like my sin as well. Respectable. Not too in-your-face. Obviously people have to think that I’m doing okay, but I’m not going to bother tackling anything that I can get away with…
So when I came across Jerry Bridges’ book on the subject a few months ago, I thought I ought to read it. But, since I struggle with the respectable sin of lack of self control (Chapter 13), I’ve still not finished it. Then I saw that Nicole of 168 hours fame is blogging through the book in her bookgroup on the Australian ministry wives site In Tandem.
As Nicole points out in her first post
It’s (obviously) not a book that was written specifically for ministry wives, but it could have been! When you think about it, there is a lot about the kind of people who commonly end up as ministry wives and the kind of situation that we are in that means we are less likely to be involved in public, flagrant, scandalous sins than in all sorts of other sins that we keep secret or that the church culture we belong to quietly tolerates.
So I’m going to finish this book over the holidays. Why not join me in some summer reading, and comment on In Tandem or on here with your thoughts?
So, I imagine you’re all keen to see the proper results for last week’s poll. I have had a lot of fun looking at these. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have.
As you can see, the main concerns are about others in the congregation – their presence or absence and whether you need to speak them later. A good thing I think, as church is a family and we need to look out for one another. I obviously missed out a major category, as many of the ‘other’ comments indicated that people worry about their children in church. This is certainly true for me. I mean, how many times do I have to tell the Joker that drumming his feet is not helpful? And is there any chance that the Queen will actually be in the church building at the start of the service? I think concerns over children also count as concern for others – both the kids themselves and those who might be distracted by them.
Answer
Votes
Percentage
Who is there/missing and why
32
21%
Other
25
17%
Who you have to speak to after the service
21
14%
Music
16
11%
God
14
9%
What people are wearing
13
9%
What you are rostered for & whether you’re prepared for it
12
8%
The Sunday lunch
10
7%
Nothing at all
4
3%
Sport
2
1%
How you’re going to catch the Vicar before he leaves for lunch
1
1%
And here are the ‘other’ answers, categorised (vaguely):
Children
How many breadsticks it is safe to feed a toddler during one service
Sometimes thigs my adult children wil be doing at their churches….pray 4 them.
How to keep my kids quiet
Keeping our kids under control (why do we always sit at the front)
Where’s my son gone?
wait, only 6 kids today?
how much longer the children will behave themselves for ! 🙂
how to stop my baby crawling on the altar!
What my children are getting up to
is my young son behaving/keeping him happy until the peace which is his fave bit
The baby (feeding/sleeping/keeping quiet etc)
work, children, visiting parents later
Thoughts about the service
Additional comments on sermon to make to husband/vicar later
wishing there was more silence before the start of a service!
Numbers of communicants!
What is this song supposed to mean?
Will the songpro and sound desk work this week?
Wow, such and such is here again, praise God.
How amazing churches are and the astounding effort that went into building them
The Week Ahead
planning what I’m going to shop for this wk?
To do list
Work
Away with the Fairies
the bird table outside the church window!
Daydreaming
Thanks all for participating. Next week’s poll – best ways to keep children quiet in church 🙂
Earlier this week Fiona left a comment on my post about Ten Great Things About Being a Vicar’s Wife. She is looking for advice as her husband begins ministry later this year. Here’s what she asked:
It quite hard as I just would like to to my very best. I have two children and its a second marriage
I totally adore and love him and we all want to support him .
Perhaps if someone was in the same sistuation it would be a great help for ideas and suggestions.
I’m going to give my list of top ten tips below, but it would be great if others could add to the list too. I’m not claiming to speak with much authority, having only been a ‘proper’ Vicar’s Wife for just over a year, but this is what has helped me to date…
Keep your own relationship with God going – you may have to be creative (on-line sermons, prayer partners, conferences, retreats, support groups).
Prioritise your family above the parish. Keep on loving and supporting your husband.
Say ‘no’ more than you think you should – you can’t do everything. Better to do a little in church well than everything badly. Or do nothing apart from being a godly wife and mother.
Don’t throw yourself into everything when you first arrive – take time to choose the best. Try to do something together – we love having people over – Sunday lunches, barbeques barbecues, tea parties.
Play to your strengths and don’t feel the need to conform to a stereotype of the perfect minister’s wife. So don’t bake if you can’t bear it, buy some nice biscuits. Avoid children if they stress you, visit kind old ladies. Don’t arrange the flowers, use your best hammer drill to put shelves up.
Make sure (as far as possible) that your husband has support from accountability partners or a spiritual director. And help him to prioritise his day off. If you’re able, take that day off with him.
If you live in a Vicarage or Manse, be ruthless with junk mail in the early days. Send it all back with ‘remove from mailing list’ on it or phone organisations up if you don’t want their stuff. Ecclesiastical junk mail has been the bane of my life in the last year and a bit. I mean, how many catalogues for chasubles does an evangelical minster need?! Especially one who wears robes about once a year. In the UK the Mailing Preference Service and Telephone Preference Service are your friends.
Take time to laugh. We watch a lot of tv comedy. It helps.
Don’t answer the phone every time it rings. Call screening and an answerphone are very helpful.
Take proper holidays away from the parish. We have nearly three weeks in the summer (plus three other weeks the rest of the year) and find that we need that length of time to properly unwind.
What are others’ top tips? What have you learnt about doing your best?
When I’m stressed I like to comfort read. Something I know well and that makes me feel like all will turn out happily ever after. When I don’t have time to read the Book of Revelation, Pride and Prejudice usually does the trick. So this one could be the answer:
And she ships internationally! Total cost $22+$5.75=cheaper than last week’s t-shirt. [HT Abraham Piper]
After Monday’s blogpost showing Joyce Grenfell worrying during the opening hymn about her stock boiling dry, I thought it would be interesting to find out what you all worry about during the service (when you’re not concentrating on the things of the Lord, which of course we’d all prefer to do, but it is so hard not to be distracted).
[Edit: I think you can vote for more than one, but as it’s the first poll I’ve done, I’m not sure – can someone let me know?!]
I’ll leave it open for a week before publishing the results…
It’s been a tricky few weeks here in parish. Relationships can be really hard in places where people are already bruised by life in general. So I think I need to get (and wear) this t-shirt. In fuchsia I think, don’t you?
So when I came across Jerry Bridges’ book 
And she ships internationally! Total cost $22+$5.75=cheaper than last week’s t-shirt. [HT 
The Vicar's Wife 