The Vicarage often seems to be heading for this state
Before the Vicar started at theological college, we spent time with some wise friends, Muso and Holy, who were already living on campus there. Theological college can be a funny old place where relationships are often very intense – with people studying, worshipping and living with one another, you get to see each other in very sharp focus. Our friends explained how college was a community of saints – and also a community of sinners.
Holy knew me pretty well and she warned me that I should be careful how I came across because (she said)
Some people might find you a bit intimidating…
Can’t think what gave her that idea. Apart from me being very loud, self confident and bossy, that is. And quite tall. So I arrived at college fully determined to restrain myself as much as possible. The Lord clearly thought I’d be unable to do this unaided, so actually what happened when we started was that I contracted a horrible virus and was laid up in bed for about a month. No chance of being too scary then. Or so I hoped.
Later, when we’d settled in, I thought I’d check up on how I’d done with the not-being-frightening thing, so I asked a new friend about it. Did she think I was intimidating when she first met me? I’d not done as well as I thought because she replied:
I did at first…. But then I saw your house…
I give you this story as an example of why housework may not be that important. And why it’s good to share our failings. And why sitting on the computer writing a blogpost is *far* more important than doing that washing up. Or any dusting. Ever. Just think of it as ministry.
The Vicar's Wife 
Definitely did not come across this blog by accident!
Ha! Remembering this story always helps me when I’m panicking about the state of the house, especially before visitors are due. My mess makes others feel better 🙂
My friend said to me only a week ago how she would be so intimidated by me if I wasn’t so scatty. It never occurred to me that anyone would find me intimidating. My house is only not messy thanks to FlyLady. She’s a godsend. Quite literally.
I insist that our living room (interesting word in itself ) is the place we keep clear so we can retreat there for relaxing(tv reading and prayer. Its beautiful,clutter free and a place for us as a family to gather together infront of the fire. . The rest is Messy house as Ive written before you cant be out (or on the computer ) and have it clean, tidy and clutter free. God Blesses this house but he doesnt clean it (nor do I much !)
It is like our lives we have so much clutter and mess that it is difficult to sweep it all away and Im not sure I would want to because its all of that which defines us. But at the same time we need that inner space which is a centre to truly be ourselves and relax in God
You’re right The Rectors Mrs – we too have a presentable room for meetings etc, but if people come into the kitchen to collect a cuppa they can easily see the mess. Mess is a sign of the fallenness of creation, I think, but it helps us to remember grace – we’re loved by God because of Jesus, not because we can keep the law of housework…
Oh wow! My husband is hopefully heading to theological college and has had a ‘you’re a bit intimidating’ conversation with me.
Then just before I logged on this morning he mentioned how the house was starting to look a little messy (read: I haven’t done housework for weeks oops). Then I read this! Happy days 😀
Welcome to the Vicarage sundayschoolsos! Glad to have cheered your messy house…
A school mum cam round for the first time the other day for E’s party. She got chatting to my mum and during the course of the conversation said that I must be quite intelligent as my house is so messy!
Hi Hackneycurateswife and welcome to the Vicarage. I do hope that connection between mess and cleverness is true (wonder if the same principle could be applied to archbishoply hair…).
👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
I went round to see my friend who’s just had her 7th baby this morning. When I arrived she was breast feeding so I made her a coffee and we sat and chatted. After a few minutes the baby did a wonderful projectile vomit and the changing bag was up in the bedroom. As I legged it upstairs she called “sorry about all the mess” when I came back down I looked at her and said “are you seriously apologising to ME for mess?” then we both burst out laughing because I do have a reputation for being a very messy Vicar’s wife! Ministry of Mess. Love it.
Exactly. The ministry of mess is an important truth to grasp. I can feel further thoughts on this developing. And 7th baby! How could there not be mess?! Welcome to the Vicarage btw.
After 10 years the diocese have finally installed a new kitchen in our Vicarage … it’s beautifully tidy just now, though I know it won’t last. But oh my dear, how shabby it makes the rest of the Vicarage look!
We aim to keep downstairs tidy and upstairs private …
Hi LB. I manage one downstairs room just about tidy. Upstairs is definitely private! Although not to the children of the parish invited in by our kids, it seems…
Ha! Our girls’ rooms are such a mess, even they won’t take friends upstairs!
Oh I never found you intimidating! Perhaps because, size excepting, I can appear loud, self- confident and bossy too!
So lovely to have you commenting Hazel 🙂 Glad you didn’t find me intimidating – but you are the original Vicar’s Wife!
When I was younger I used to tidy frantically before my mother visited. Then I found myself doing it before my daughter came round. Now I’m old and grey God has blessed me with a house with a flagstone floor and my cup runneth over (and I don’t care.)
Hello pidge and thanks for commenting. My mother, sister & mother-in-law call themselves ‘the maids’ after they all stayed with us (plue my dad & pa-in-law) the Christmas after the Queen was born. I’d designed an amazing menu but then had to be with the baby at meal preparation times! The mums still seem to do lots of laundry when they visit now, tho’ my sister now has her own baby and is getting her revenge…
I think it’s a ministry of hospitality. I never feel part of the family in a house where I know someone has tidied up for my visit.
We know you feel right at home when you visit us then!
Someone is visiting us tomorrow pm who I am certain will be WAY more at ease with cat hair, glitter and food all over the place! But then there are people who have visited who have made comments about the tidiness (or lack of!). Never mind!
I think it’s good when people notice, as they can see that the messy house owner is not omnicompetent. That’s what God is.
true, that’s what I hope they’ll be thinking. As a brand new vicar’s wife though, it’s hard learning to deal with what everyone else thinks of me…trying to be myself! No, not trying, I AM being myself, but worrying about what people will think.
oh, and for some reason (much like yourself) I know I come across as omnicompetent! So, it would only be my pride is injured when people see I am not. So, i will leave the house messy… thanks for the post!
So well said. And comforting because it’s freeing.
I’ve found it does make folk feel at home when they come round. It’s intimidating enough for them to come to ‘the vicarage’ (rather than our home!) and so I try to be clean but I’m rarely tidy. When I know there will be people here then I do shove stuff in cupboards, in the dining room (door closed), and upstairs in our bedroom to give the illusion of tidiness but then that’s not the real me. (p.s. I’ve never found you intimidating – must be a name thing!)
Thank you so much for this! With 3 children under 4 tidying is a complete waste of time anyway, so am glad to have official that it’s good not to!
So that’s why my mother opted to keep the rectory in that state for all those years!
Obviously a very godly woman, Tim.
If messiness can be used for God’s glory, there’s hope for us all! Thanks for the encouragement.
[…] The Vicar’s Wife – Shares the ministry of a messy house […]
love this, our house is rarely tidy and I think we get a blinkered view of other people because I think they charge round tidying because the minister and his wife are visiting. I do try and keep control of things and realise when I watch hording programmes that it isn’t so bad but I still get embarrased about my lack of domesticity.