Well, obviously I don’t really hate foreign. Or I would be completely bonkers to be a Vicar’s Wife in our multi-cultural parish. I love foreign people, and I loved living and working in foreign lands (the Far East, for nearly six years). But moving somewhere new – and therefore foreign – is hard.
We didn't actually need this when we moved recently
When the Vicar and I first moved to Malaysia (there’s foreign for you), we joined a church with links to Wycliffe Bible Translators. And one day a representative from that organisation came to teach the church about what life was like as a bible translator. The Vicar and I can now only remember one thing we learnt that day (it was a few years ago, mind). We learnt about culture shock, and adjusting to living in a new culture.
The Wycliffe chap told us that there is a common pattern to the experience of the ‘foreigner’ moving to a new culture to live and work:
- Six to twelve months of ‘honeymoon’ – everything seems new and exciting, the people exotic and the differences to home fascinating.
- After the honeymoon comes a time when the differences become annoying and hard to live with. This is the period the Vicar and I started calling ‘I Hate Foreign’.
- And after a couple of years, the differences in culture don’t seem so great and you become adjusted. Your home is no longer ‘foreign’ but home.
So we’re nearly six months into parish life and I confess that I’ve been having a few ‘I Hate Foreign’ moments lately. Our new church is lovely and friendly, but we don’t know folk all that well. The school has been helpful and welcoming, but our old friends know us better.
I know this time will pass and that soon we’ll feel completely at home here. But in the meantime it’s a good reminder to us that our real home is in heaven and that Christians are
aliens and strangers in the world (1 Peter 2v11)
The Vicar's Wife 
Hm, I was told of that curve when I moved to Belgium. Only I didn’t have the honeymoon period, particularly. It was all ok, then I was depressed for a few months, then it was ok again. I’m not quite sure whether that says more about me or Belgium, but certainly it’s always a good reminder that we’re not to feel completely at home anywhere in the world – unless, perhaps we may get tasters in the church, as we’re aliens together! (Do you think that would make a good church strapline?) Praying for you now in the hating foreign time, and thanks for the reminder.
Thanks for your encouragement étrangère. We are praying that the hating foreign time will be short – hopefully knocked on the head by a good break this summer. Love the idea of an aliens strapline for church. I’ll mention it to the Vicar!
It is one of the more difficult aspects of being in the church (and probably the armed forces). We moved to many parishes when I was younger, not all of them places that I or, I guess, my parents had a great hankering to go to. But remember that you have been sent there for a purpose and I’m sure you’ll find that time is a great healer. In many ways, the most important thing about the first six months is making sure that your children are happy. Judging by your previous posts they seem to have taken to their new lives like ‘ducks to water’ so you should regard it as a big success.
Thanks Tim. We’re all doing well really. I have been surprised that the kids have struggled a bit (especially when hungry and tired) but we’ve managed to ride those bumps as we continue the adventure of parish life. One of the blessings for us is that we can visit our old parish (and friends) on the metro. I took the kids to a playday at their old school yesterday, which was a real boost for them. I was especially encouraged when the Joker reeled off a great list of names when asked by an old teacher who his new friends were. A good sign, I felt.
“It will pass”—thanks for this great reminder that heaven is where our citizenship (as Christians) truly is.
Will remember you in prayer as we both “settle in” to new (temporary) homes.
Great to chat with you last week. A highlight.
I really enjoyed chatting with you too, Alex. Your comment has reminded of my intention to post a few reflections on the conference. Hopefully I’ll get something together this week.
Well, you know how I felt about ‘foreign’. 😉 You’ll all feel better after a good summer holiday. Looking forward to seeing you soon.
Hi
Thanks for your openess, I know what you mean, we moved 4 weeks ago for my husband first curacy, house lovely, people friendly, feel sure that this is where God wants us but still hard!
Love
Jane.
Looking forward to seeing you too Ros.
Hi Jane. Welcome to the Vicarage. It’s an exciting time moving to a first curacy. Just remember that it does get easier but it takes time!
Still in the honeymoon period here but expecting ‘I hate foreign’ to hit us at any time. Helpful to remember that we had ‘I hate foreign’ in curacy too but now remember the good times! And am loving the aliens. Will put that verse up in the Vicarage kitchen to remind us all.